Bank holidays

I worked over the Easter holidays then had some days off now feel really relaxed had a nice time. Dad came down & we went birdying, we saw a marsh harrier at radipole and a whimbrel at the Bill, it was such a thrill, the Harrier was huge, obviously! We chatted to a group from Preston, the "Preston lot". Then we drove home to happy Hitchin ready for the royal wedding, mum and I had a lovely day. We didn't move from the sofa, we watched it from start to finish then over again and again! Much comment on the hats and frocks, the wedding dress and bridesmaids, the Queen & Camilla. Wonderful day, totally exhausted by the end of it! Came home to spend day off with T back to work tomorrow. Saw a whinchat today and bartailed Godwits, both firsts for me. Have joined Portland bird observatory, think they do fab work and have been friendly and helpful so far.

Tough stuff

Being back at work is so very hard, there isn't any understanding about PTSD, which is ok but I don't know who to go to to talk about the lack of support and the huge triggers that exist. I want to be able to get back and be able to cope but I worry about it alot and have become more symtomatic.
Mum and Dad came at the weekend which was lovely, Dad and I saw swallows and wheaters, dad got great photos.
My college course is great, its good to be creative and do sketchbook stuff. I feel like I'm doing alright when I do that.

doing well

Since the wedding and the meeting are now behind me things are really looking up, I have been on a level plateau with just a few blips of anxiety, nothing huge. In fact don't want this weeks EMDR would rather keep jogging along with all the grotty thoughts tucked safely away!
On Saturday T and I went to see the new baby, oh he's so sweet and of course I did get broody cuddling him and kissing his little head! We stayed at M + D's it was good to see them both.
It was the first time since summer that I looked forward to doing something, I wasn't at all worried it was such a liberating feeling.
The sun was out today and Bill and I had a lovely long walk, it was warm and we saw loads of birds, well I did he's a dog so not really fussed, what's more I did some painting in the studio, hoorah, what a great day!

I am going to stop taking pics of birds with my phone! You can not see what I could see but believe me we went out for a walk this morning to find Purple Sandpipers and there they were having a wash in a puddle with some Turnstones. Perfect start to my birthday.
I had a meeting with my manager this afternoon that was not perfect and I should have listened and taken the RCN rep with me.
T spoke to his brother, who has the new baby, this evening. T looked so happy to be talking to him and he said F sounded tired and emotional. Aww it's such a lovely time, you are so bowled over with emotion and love for the new being in your life, no one can prepare you for it.

Couldn't sleep last night at all, so got up early and took Bill for a long walk around the Bill. Saw so many birds it was great, my phone camera isn't great but that's a snap of some Oyster Catchers and one busy Turnstone flipping seaweed in the air and keeping out of the way of the waves. Max had dentist today, I nearly fell asleep in the waiting room! Bought baby Joseph an outfit, it took us ages to decide, they were all so cute! Then I went to the sewing shop and bought some lovely fabrics to do something creative for Easter, don't know what yet!

Valentine's day

I have had such a lovely, relaxing and special day with the 2 loves in my life, T and Billy dog! T is always very romantic and makes such an effort to make me feel loved, this year was extra special because I'm not myself at the moment and he was so thoughtful.
T made a delicious breakfast and lunch. Later we went to the RSPB's reserve at Radipole Lake, I have wanted to go for ages, the walkways are great with lots of places to stop and look down the reed beds at different birds. We saw about 20 different species. This evening we went for a marvelous meal at the Blue Fish, as always the food was delicious with great flavors and interesting combinations, T's desert was pineapple and chili ! Felt anxious about work and the wedding party today but nether anxieties stopped me enjoying day.

Chilly day

It's good to have M. home, he had a fab time and returns with lots of dirty washing and a video film with some rather dirty language, will have to wash his mouth as well as his socks!
Billy and I had a lovely walk around the Bill this morning, I was watching an Oyster Catcher on the grass between the beach huts, when a bird of prey plopped down next to it. It was bigger than a kestrel and I didn't know what it was until I got home and looked it up, I couldn't believe it but I emailed the Observatory and they said yes it was a Peregrine (wow!)
Had to go to Asda, it hung over the morning like a heavy weight, I felt anxious and shaky about it. I phoned work and got a rather cool reception, spoke to Mum after and she helped me get it into perspective and move on with the day. Need to stop getting worked up and just try going back.
Good old Mum she saved the day, once again! I cleaned the oven this afternoon, steps back in amazement, we're not moving house and I'm not about to have a baby, but I cleaned it anyway. Or made a start at least! It must be 5 years since I last attacked it, ooppps! The oven kept me away from the studio, so nothing creative going on today, tomorrow has two things going on, eekk will I cope? Wednesday I'll get up there! It's a plan.

Portland Bill

Cormorant or Shag?

Sunny day

Better day today, T at home, although busy writing reports. A bird in the garden that I couldn't identify this morning, I think it was a Black Cap, anyway he was very happy on the seed/berry cake!
While Ireland played rugby and T sat hunched and tense on the edge of the sofa, Billy and I enjoyed a walk around the Bill in the sunshine. A naval ship was firing, I don't know what, just off the coast, it made a very loud noise and 4 plumes of smoke hung in the air for a long time after, the men in the coast guards hut were looking too. I took a pic with my phone but you can't really see much. The gulls were flying so close to the cliff edge it felt as if you could almost touch them, I didn't try, the rocks beneath are not very kindly looking. Plenty of sea birds on the rocks, busy diving in and out of the sea, so amazing to watch.
Max called T to discuss the rugby, he's home tomorrow and it sounds as if he's had a fantastic week away.
Have started another jigsaw this evening and really must try and get into the studio tomorrow, felt a bit like walking under a heavy weight today. Perhaps after yesterday or a night of little sleep this feeling is inevitable and I should make more realistic goals. Tomorrow's another day!