Monday monday

Wedding weekend over, the months of anxiety were at least justified, although of course, a waste of time and hours awake when should have been asleep. However its now over and T thought I coped very well, while I can't really see that at the moment, I appreciate that I did not run away screaming or lie under the table in a puddle of urine! It was good to see family for the first time in ages, I just felt very anxious, scared and uncomfortable.
Billy stayed with Fred and Auds I missed him tons but he had a grand time!
I have an appointment tomorrow at work, not looking forward to that, the RCN rep said be honest about my anxieties, we haven't got all day!
Managed Adsa this morning with flying colours I feel, onwards and upwards must keep getting better and back in the saddle.

I am going to stop taking pics of birds with my phone! You can not see what I could see but believe me we went out for a walk this morning to find Purple Sandpipers and there they were having a wash in a puddle with some Turnstones. Perfect start to my birthday.
I had a meeting with my manager this afternoon that was not perfect and I should have listened and taken the RCN rep with me.
T spoke to his brother, who has the new baby, this evening. T looked so happy to be talking to him and he said F sounded tired and emotional. Aww it's such a lovely time, you are so bowled over with emotion and love for the new being in your life, no one can prepare you for it.

Curses

I am having a very anxious morning, the RCN rep has contacted me and now i'm all of a fluster, thank goodness for Mum's intuition, she called and calmed me down, phew. Decided to sew the mitts i'd knitted for loz up and did them back to front, now need to unpick, aarrgh!

Pheonix

Day started well with EMDR, feeling much stronger and realise that by going out of my comfort zone there will be a down period. I must remember this when I go back to work and take it slowly. Tonic suggested 2 days on and a day off then two days and the weekend to recover, she also said I was like a Pheonix rising from the flames, fab eh!?
Felt panicky and anxious thinking must get my hair cut next week, how ridiculous is that, I don't want to talk to hairdresser or put head back to have hair washed. Still don't particularly want to walk around with big head of hair.
I spoke to RCN rep, well I should have done that along time ago. There is an NHS scheme for people injured at work, funny how no one else has thought to mention this. Wish I had not wasted so many nights worrying about how we were going to cope financially. Have drafted a letter to HR and feel cross that when I asked about benefits last week she kept that quiet.
T and I watched Cinderella Man this evening, I couldn't watch the fight scenes, had to hide behind the sofa! It was a really good film, Russell Crowe didn't look as handsome as he normally does but still great!