doing well

Since the wedding and the meeting are now behind me things are really looking up, I have been on a level plateau with just a few blips of anxiety, nothing huge. In fact don't want this weeks EMDR would rather keep jogging along with all the grotty thoughts tucked safely away!
On Saturday T and I went to see the new baby, oh he's so sweet and of course I did get broody cuddling him and kissing his little head! We stayed at M + D's it was good to see them both.
It was the first time since summer that I looked forward to doing something, I wasn't at all worried it was such a liberating feeling.
The sun was out today and Bill and I had a lovely long walk, it was warm and we saw loads of birds, well I did he's a dog so not really fussed, what's more I did some painting in the studio, hoorah, what a great day!

New baby

T and I have a new nephew, we are very happy and look forward to meeting him. I'm looking forward to buying him a pressie tomorrow, must not get broody!
Sav has arrived for half term, looking beautiful as ever and talking so fast it will take a few days to tune my ears in again!
Had appointment with occupational health who feel I am not yet robust enough for work, probably right but will I ever be ready? As soon as I start thinking about going back my anxiety levels go sky high again. Perhaps need to try another therapy, CBT rather then the EMDR? I don't know, maybe I will phone psychologist tomorrow.
M was very helpful today and good company.

Pheonix

Day started well with EMDR, feeling much stronger and realise that by going out of my comfort zone there will be a down period. I must remember this when I go back to work and take it slowly. Tonic suggested 2 days on and a day off then two days and the weekend to recover, she also said I was like a Pheonix rising from the flames, fab eh!?
Felt panicky and anxious thinking must get my hair cut next week, how ridiculous is that, I don't want to talk to hairdresser or put head back to have hair washed. Still don't particularly want to walk around with big head of hair.
I spoke to RCN rep, well I should have done that along time ago. There is an NHS scheme for people injured at work, funny how no one else has thought to mention this. Wish I had not wasted so many nights worrying about how we were going to cope financially. Have drafted a letter to HR and feel cross that when I asked about benefits last week she kept that quiet.
T and I watched Cinderella Man this evening, I couldn't watch the fight scenes, had to hide behind the sofa! It was a really good film, Russell Crowe didn't look as handsome as he normally does but still great!

Home again, home again, gigetty gig

Had a lovely time at Mum and Dad's the journey was easy this time and I had Friday Nights by Joanna Trollope to listen to in the car. Mum and I went shopping, I could feel how much I had improved in the last few months and felt I coped well. I stupidly didn't take enough medication for my stay so had to go to my old GP's, it took too long out of our short time together, but perhaps it will teach me a lesson. We looked at old photos, it was lovely and we both got sentimental and gooey over Max, Oli and Ella. M+D liked the sketches I had done for the painting to go in the redecorated dining room.
Max has phoned and he sounds like he's having a fab time, still in one piece (phew) and happy, who could ask for more?
Now I am back home with T we can enjoy some time on our own, although not this evening as Leeds are on the TV loosing to Spurs! Billy is fast asleep toasting his tummy in front of the fire. EMDR therapy tomorrow morning, not looking forward to it.

Bill

This is Billy-dog, looking a bit hot and bothered in my Mum's lovely garden. I wish our garden was such a haven, its a bit of a jungle and not very private. Perhaps this year we will get round to making it a little more friendly.

I have been off sick from work with PTSD, it's been a living nightmare, can't believe such a thing could happen to me, but anyway I'm getting better. I've been having EMDR which has moved things along at a faster pace.

Plan to walk Billy with Audrey today, but as usual when we make a walking date its raining!